Past conflictions

This confused me a bit. I was hanging out with the family at some relative's home. We were just getting everything together to either go out or head home. At one point my sisters and I were at a small stand getting fountain drinks for something. In the end we end up on a back porch sitting and talking.

From there things got horrifying for me. I was getting ready for something and I was in a car (one I should have recognized at once) waiting for the driver to get there. My ex gets in and acts like he had when we were first dating- lovey and attentive, but I'm recoiling and trying to get away because I know what happens and I know what I will go through if that relationship continues. At one point I'm in what looks like some sort of retail store, my brother is following with a group of his friends. I kept trying to tell them I knew it wouldn't work and that I should have gotten my stuff back. He gets confused and asks why. I end up telling him that I'm sure the dousch broke all my stuff I had left with him and I didn't have anything of his, because when we broke up I was in such a hurry to return it so I never had to see him again. So I guess even in sleep I'm still bothered by this guy, even years later when I kick myself for not remembering to take some of the things I had accidentally left at his house when we broke up.

Boarding house murder

I was in this sort of boarding house/ group home and had returned from some errand with my sister Meg. We had gotten some clothes for another small family that was there and had left part of our haul with them. My sister went into the room where the father and daughter were starting to read a book before he put her down for a nap- Meg wanted to give them this top that had a little yellow bird on it, something my dreamself recognized as having at one point. I tried to stop her so we could deliver the rest of that bag to a set of brothers (this had costumes for them to play with).
From there she went outside and I went downstairs. I was searching for someone. I had grabbed some cheese sticks from the downstairs fridge and continued to make my way to the back of the basement. I passed one room with someone in it- his back was to me as he was playing some sort of game. In one corner of the main room a tv was turned on and I had paused to see what was on, and possibly change the channel.
I entered a room opposite of that to visit a friend. He was in conversation with another. As my friend lifted a sword he was immediately warned to put it down. The other friend had steppes out from the shadows where he was hiding and he looked hurt. Immortal was the first thing that popped in my mind. Tall, black and looked like a satyr, but there were two gaping holes in his upper body. I think we both freaked out- me and my wholly human friend. The other kept assuring us he would be fine, he just needed- blood. More precisely human virgin blood. What shocked me more about that mental revelation was how willing I had been to be a donator. Which outside of this I would not qualify. And actually, we (us humans) really thought he would have been ok with this as we followed him out a back door and into a group of friends.
Oddly enough the immortal sent them running around the side of the house, leaving one other person with me. She looked drugged. The next thing I know I'm being told to run by him and am around the house and into the front yard. As I make my way back I hear screaming. I start to run and almost trip on the prone forms of my friends who also look a bit drugged. Was this all a set up? As I'm trying to get them up I see a neighbor just drop his groceries and sprint to where the screams are coming from. He had cast a backwards glance at us, but I can't get a response out of my friends. Will he blame us? I really didn't want to find that out. The other thing that bothered me was how the immortal friend knew while he would have had some control, he would not have been able to stop himself completely in this case. So was I being spared or did something else just happened? Not sure since I woke up.

Can't remember

It's so interesting to me that when I am at my parents house that I am failing to remember most of what I had been dreaming. Especially since I know I am dreaming, and have been living here until around six months ago. I guess it's better to know i have been rather than having the sometimes dreamless sleep I have rarely, then again, shutting down my thoughts are a bit hard to do most of the time for anyone.

Slacker me

Today I saw the ex friend. I was doing something, not entirely sure what, and I was trying to gather things up that I knew were mine before she returned. She wasn't really happy to see me. actually she was really mean and wouldn't let me finish what I was doing and I had to leave rather quick. The next thing I know, I'm off to pick up someone, I think it was my brother. I was sitting in a car with this girl I didn't know when suddenly her door is jerked open by this stranger and he is trying to drag her out of the car. I throw the shift into reverse and manage to knock him over and I'm yelling for her to shut the door so we could go. We make it back to a house that I think is my family's and I'm worried. We get locked down but I can't help but feel like I've locked my brother out and he would have to fend off this weird zombie horde on his own. And it was like I was being blamed for that too- by locking him out.

Yesterday I was cutting across someone's yard and catching baby guinea pigs. I don't know why but even in sleep I still get that happy feeling when I see them. Even if it was to hide them elsewhere. I remember putting them in a room that looked like a screened in porch in a laundry basket and then having to leave rather quickly.

I need to not slack when it comes to writing this stuff down. There are occasions where I dream, wake, and the dream again and it's like I'm missing something when I don't quite make it to writing it.

More fragments

Bits and pieces again. I was in a house boxing up stuff, not entirely sure why and the next thing I know I am looking out into a very famililar backyard. What was strange about this was I was in a bathroom looking out of the window. And if I was where I knew I was then one- the bathroom was way too big and two- there was no window. So my dream had me looking out into the backyard of the old house. That's fine with me because I practically live out there at the time. What was strange about the bathroom was the huge mosaic tub I was sitting on. Someone was telling me a ghost story about a mermaid who was said to haunt the tub and loved "touching" people who just wanted a relaxing soak. I thought that the story was just silly.

Going Under

This morning was so weird! I know I was dreaming, but a lot of it is so fuzzy. The only thing I really remember was waking a moment and then going back under- several times. And that is a weird experience by itself. This is because your body still believes you are asleep but your brain is just making that realization that your room is in front of you and you are actually seeing it. The great thing about this is you actually have a choice as to whether or not you wake up right away because the desire to go back to sleep is just as strong as still being aware. I know I fought that urge for all of thirty seconds before going back under, but I tried.

Are they sorry?

This ended up being another 2 parter. The first had me walking around the old neighborhood and I had stopped in front of Geoff's house. I hate that due to another friend we all had a falling out, but there I was in front of his house. Someone had sprayed a series of black D's on his house along the windows (not sure how they did that, you would need a ladder) and I was just looking at that trying to continue to walk. I end up getting stopped by his wife Sarah (another friend) when she spots me. They want me to wait as the yard is marked off like some sort of crime scene. So I stand at the corner of the yard as yellow tape goes up and then the ex best friend showed up. She wants to talk to me, but I don't want to talk to her- someone who uses "slut" as a greeting is one thing, but to go into a vicious rant with more foul language after not talking to you in a long time is all sorts of wrong. I think she was trying to apologize or explain, but I really didn't want to hear her excuses. Somehow I ended up in Geoff's house and in what looked like a storage room. I was helping move things when I came across him moving a butterfly hair clip. Somehow it felt like that was mine at some point and he didn't want me to see it. So I pretended not to.

The next part was set in a hospital and I was talking to a girl when her eyes got huge. She turned to me very quickly asking if I had just seen what she was seeing. I had to have since I greeted the person. She was a ghost/ newly dead. I was walking the halls sort of like a security officer- making sure people were getting to the right place, but it was very strange since there were living and dead in the building. I saw both. We were closing up the building for the evening when I decided to go search for a little white dog named Tippy or Tuppy- not sure which. I found the dog in one of the offices and she followed me out as I headed back towards a lounge area.

Doesnt stop

I've been at my parents all weekend and for some strange reason whenever I'm there I get a jumble of images and most I'm not even sure what I'm seeing. At least I know I was dreaming. The only thing that stuck out to me was my walking up the old steps to the house. What was strange about this was I was so focused on the steps-the way they looked and any and all marks that were in them so that when I got to the front door I would have no real choice than to just go in. But as I looked up from the pavement I was looking at the door and the house siding seemed to shift and change and I was looking at the old house. I just looked at it and said you can't haunt me no more. I dont live here.

And today was definitely another chase dream. I was at this school orientation and this girl was bothering me. Like I really didn't like her for her stuck up attitude. I remember that when I wasn't looking she had pulled my purse behind her seat just as the orientation started. I got mad and leaned down (the seats were tiered) and pulled it back up. What I didn't know was that my wallet had slipped out. For a moment I had thought she had taken it until I found it under her seat. She had irritated me enough to where I had moved around the tier I was on and was sitting on the floor. I didn't mind that part and since there was a lull in the orientation I had pulled out my phone to listen to my music. Unfortunately one of the teachers saw and demanded my phone. I'm pretty sure I didn't give it up. The next thing I know is that we were walking and I had found this white guinea pig. I picked it up wondering where it came from. The group I was with thought it came from two streets down and then we'd take a left. I thought to do it myself so I went down one street and to the left and found myself in this little plaza/campus thing that was attached to what looked like a hospital. So I got myself lost, but even odder was my continuing to get lost by going into the hospital and getting stuck in there. What I don't understand was why there was security in there and why they were so bent on finding me when all I was going to do was just leave. I mean any time they found me I just ran and got myself good and lost. But I was really being chased by four or five different people.

No Disney for Me

Totally dreamed earlier this morning but for some reason the only thing that really stuck out was the fact that it had to do with the old house. Now I know I meantion that quite a bit, for me the old house had to do with where everything began for me- like where I was raised from 3rd grade to my almost sophmore year. Also that is the house where I became interested in paranormal things. The weird thing about this though is the previous owner's kids came by like 2x when we lived there talking about this place. So I wonder if anything had happened for them there too. Anyway, no matter where I end up that house will always be the old house. Which I don't remember what happened because I woke up around 7 and then mananged to go back under until around 10-something.

So when I went under I remember being at either a hotel or a hospital- it was kind of neat and almost devoid of personality. Anyway, I was in a room with a bunch of other kids waiting for Lauren and a couple other people when I decided to leave to do something. The weird thing was that in leaving it was like the doors were the heavy metal locking ones that you see in not so noraml situations. Once I left I was outside and outside it really looked strange, because from there it was like running around on dry, cracked mud flats and I remember kind of running around on hands and knees sort of what everyone has done as a child when pretending to re-enact things as animals. I end up running into these two kids that were trying to make it back into a crumbling tower, that was were we were supposed to all meet and I remember racing behind. What struck me as odd was the fact that it was the direct flight from the Lion King movie with Simba fleeing the hyenas. Seriously there were some hyenas after us! And there were twists of brush and thorns- also very strange. I guess it's worse because we're both still focused like how we are suppossed to be 4 legged animals that we slip and slide on the flats trying to make it to the tower. I mean we make it, but this is still really strange for me since I know I didn't see any disney films yesterday! So we both get to the tower and make it up to the floor for some sort of concert. Selena is singing some sort of song with some kids in a courner and I sit down next to a man who I think is her father. He meantions about getting rid of something, something that would have been really important to her. I remember looking at him and telling him that if he did that that his relationship with her would definatly become FUBARed because she wouldn't want to love him again. The oddest thing about this part of the dream was the meantioning of aborting a child. I got the sense that the mother to be would love that baby like none other, but the father wanted it gone. So what was more important- the family connection or the fact that he didn't want that child's interference?

Giant bug

So the last couple of days were weird with the day light savings. I have been waking up early it seems, like a habit. And I have been dreaming, but they were vague, like coming up for air and then going back under. That was really all there was to the last couple of days. However, this morning was one I remember.

I was at a lake house with a couple of friends and the area seemed empty like at the end of season, when people usually head home. It was a bit eerie. We would do stuff and then meet up in the house. The house was huge and I didnt get to see all of it. It belonged to an older woman who decided to own it and rent it to others. It didn't make sense to me in dream since I thought it would have been easier to rent rather than own and maintain, but realistically- that person probably made money just renting to others. Anyway, I was just being told about people who were being "infected" by this bug creature from the local area when I went off on my own. The group I was with seemed like they were hunters, similar to the ones that went after Bigfoot or Nessy. I shouldn't have left them. With their stories ringing in my head I had gone back to one of the homes we were staying in and I saw it. This bug thing they were talking about looked like a giant centiped with huge bone crushing mandible and a nasty looking stinger on the other end. It scared me and for some reason I managed to sneak around the couch and hide under a fuzzy green blanket. Unfortunately the creature noticed the blanket, but mistaken it for an egg and it tried to curl up around me! I had to keep very still aware that if I moved, that stinger would get me. Somehow the thing stopped trying to curl up and decided to investigate something else of interest. I made a hasty retreat and ran into the same friends. I kept telling them I had seen it and why on earth would anyone have stayed here? There apparently were all kinds of theories, but the only "facts" were that it was normal that people disappeared in this area. So I made my way down to the docks. This part didn't make much sense to me because we went from paranormal to magic- I was looking for another of our group like I would confront him. I was asking why they didn't tell me and how was it possible that there was a ring (looked exactly like the one I own) shown on something we had been looking at. Why was it the exact one and what were they hoping for? I don't think I got my answer because I ended up returning to the other house we were using to find the rest of the group outside watching a car that had stopped at the top of the driveway. I ended up leaning against on of my friends curious. They were telling me the owner decided to do a drive by to make sure the properties were not vandalized. Now that I think about it. I wonder if she knew about what went on at the lake, and if any of us were really expendable.

11/4

I was in my old back yard doing something (not entirely sure) and watching a group of people perform some sort of rite. I had climbed up on the old play fort for a better view as the pool started to overflow like a fountain. There were others ringing the pool continuing whatever it was they were doing as this water overflowed into the backyard. What was strange about the water was how it was thick, like a gel. I knew if I jumped off the fort and into that mess I wouldn't hurt myself, but it would take me forever to get to where I needed to go. As I looked up I saw someone coming through the back gate yelling "what do you think you are doing/ what have you done" I'm not entirely sure what phrase it was since I started waking up and then went back under.

I was in a new house helping my mother set things up. It looked like a combination of my grandparents old house and someone else's. But my mom was super excited. I was walking around one of the rooms yet to be renovated finding one I just knew she would gut to put in a hot tub. As I moved into the yard I paused watching. There were people helping them move. At one point I returned to one of the huge bedrooms and sat with my sisters on the floor we were watching something. A couple of the younger movers had come up as well. I think there was some flirting that followed, but it wasn't clear. I know I left the room for something and as I came back there was fear. I ran to yet another room (possible my mother's) looking for my sisters. They were yelling and screaming like something was going to hurt them. They were close though, right on the other side of the wall. I remember opening the closet door and making my way back through it telling them to get in the closet. Something I remember about my grandma's house was the basement guest rooms were connected by the closets-sort of like a tunnel. So if one room got accidentally locked we could still get through. What was strange about the dream closet was the fact that there were clothes and coats and other things in the closet, which should have been empty for a new place. Anyway I struggled past the jumbled closet seeing my sisters had gotten the idea. They kept saying that they were being chased by this stranger who got into the house. I don't even stop to think why (even though there was a house with a number of guys helping with moving and renovations). So we make out way to the garage looking for our mother. She is there and we run out of the house. I don't know how I got ahead of them, I know I'm not the fastest, but somehow I manage to scale a six foot solid wood fence and haul myself up to where I'm just balancing myself on it. I glance down to see my sisters and mother together huddled and this guy menacing them. I still don't question this- even though we out number this person, its in broad daylight, and there were others around. I remember being so scared for my family. Even as high up as I was I was looking for something to throw at this guy. I found a white stone in my pocket. Just as I was going to throw it, one of the guys that had been in the room with me and my sisters showed up. Thankfully, there was someone else with him. I don't know what happened next as I started waking up.

11/2

I was getting ready with some friends for some kind of party. We were digging through our bags pulling things out and I was looking at these two shirts that were similar in color but for one patch on the sides. I knew what they meant even though I'm sure it doesn't exsist out of sleep. We kept calling the shirts animal cracker power ranger shirts. I still have no idea why. At one point i moved away from the group and was looking at these holiday cards. I found a good one for a friend of mine as it was slightly heavy with chocolate coins. I wanted to get it to his mother, because it was that type of card and it would have just been weird if I gave it. As we were putting on final touches for make up I was staring outside, as though I would go out. It was cold and there was snow on the ground. Eventually I did go out only to look for someone who had gone out and got lost in a snow bank close to the building.

House rules

A new house. I was helping unpack in a new place. My parents had decided they wanted to go out to dinner as we were finishing up and my baby sister was tearing around the corner wanting to ask if a local girl could spend the night. I found my old roller blades that I haven't seen in ages and think to skate for a while. I slowly make my way up the old street to my parents' house (where they live now) and I get stopped by a couple of people- one is someone I don't know, the other is Alex. For whatever reason I let the stranger hug me before I start getting uncomfortable and I have to extricate myself so I can greet Alex and we can leave. I got the feeling that he didn't like the stranger being all over me, but then again, I definitely did not like that. I never made it to my parents house, but instead returned to the other. From there it got steadily darker and there were some people at the house. There was the air of a challenge and I was looking for my boyfriend. It was almost primitive thinking in modern surroundings. Like I was a bit away from where everyone else sat (we were all on the floor), and I was watching my friends. Thankfully, boyfriend comes up behind me so I know he is there, and I hug him. I tell him that some of the younger girls think to challenge me for my spot- I guess I'm some sort of leader(?), but they don't dare. He agrees with me that they won't, and I start waking up.

10/29

I was with my family and extended family (no one I knew) getting ready for some get together for my dad's work buddies. I kept debating whether or not to go. I really didn't though because I knew it was a pool party and I didn't want to wear a swimsuit. I don't know why I made a big deal about it because most gatherings one has a choice about what one does. Anyway, when we get there I see Kristina and Margareta. And I'm happy because I know then in a room full of strangers, mostly itallian strangers. My family disappears outside and somehow I get drawn into playing video games and coloring. Every now and again I'd look outside to the pool area and see people talking and hanging out to the left.

I didn't write wendsday when I had a short dream about hanging out with Alex and all of a sudden we are scrambling to secure the basement where we are. And I watch out of a basement window and sliding glad door as water comes rushing up from left to right. I know I panicked for a moment, but then I just watch it as the water never came in.

Home again

It started with my mom and me leaving the old house. She was in this smaller car in front of me, not one we own. I am in my truck and waiting for her to leave when I look up to the house that belonged to a friend of mine's family. I saw my ex's truck and panicked nudging my mom's car forward like "hey, move!" I did not want to be seen by him. By then time I had rounded the corner towards another friend's house my panic left and I could think knowing that there was no way my ex had been to that house because he didn't know that friend. Anyway, I parked the car near the field I used to play in and got out, walking to an old bus stop. All the while thinking I was going to be late to work and at this time of day there really was no point in my going in. The light reflected some time around 7 (morning or evening- I couldn't tell) but that in determanite time due to season. For whatever reason I decide to walk up around the streets I used to wander, up around to yet another old friend's home. This time I was on a mission to give something back. I remember walking up to the door and debating whether or not to knock, but then just deciding to stuff what I was giving in the door jam. I manage to make it to the driveway before I hear his dad get to the door. He wants me to wait and I get past his neighbor's house before he leaves the property. I don't know why, but I end up running from him. In any actuality I have no reason to because I always thought that this friend's dad was awesome. I still ran. I ended up running through someone's back yard knowing that the dad was still behind me and I stop short because I don't know which yard to go in. One is fenced and the other open. I end up racing through the open yard and find a side door to the front of the house. For some reason I open that door and retreat in. I know the dad is still out there, close, but I back further and look out the back window. I don't see him, but I see on the window part of an alarm system. It didn't go off when I came in, but I wondered about it. I made my way to the front door and worked my way around to located the panel that held the controls. The digital screen said it was off, but I still pushed the big off button just in case and left out the back sliding door.

This next part was me driving through old town. It was steadily getting darker and the streets seemed crammed with parked cars. I went down a side road and scrapped the side of my car, trying to not get hit by something. Eventually, I got out and went into this small side shop and found an old high school friend. She had recently gotten married and I was able to give her a hug and wish her much love for her marriage. I end up apologizing to another girl in the store for hitting her car.

4:20 am

Very early a.m dream, but really vivid. Took place at a school so i had something to learn. The age was indeterminate And I'm not sure how long i was there, but i know i had gone to some classes and made some friends. I had been to one's home and we were getting something on the house fixed. In moving a board we found this wasps nest on the ground. This person who was with me knocked it over, but there was still something in there. I think I got bit, but i can't be sure. Outside we were talking about something and i was drinking from a mini milk jug (something I do with chocolate milk) like I was trying to make myself sick so as not to return to school, but for some reason it didn't work. I end up meeting a bunch of friends before ending up in an assistant princeple's office with another friend who is being pushed to stay on some sort of sports team. The a.p looked like Sue from GLEE and was just as mean. I know I had placed my hand on my friend's shoulder after her speech about his needing to stay and I asked him "what do you want? What makes you happiest?" And she got mad at me. I ended up looking at her while she was yelling at me and told her "You're as straight as a clock you coocoobird" don't know why but I think I was laughing. Apparently I walked out of the office shoeless, but they were in my hands dangling from the laces. I know I was wearing some sort of shorts and a tank top and there was no doubt about me sauntering away from that office. Maybe it was a strut, but definitely that walk had attitude. The friend who was with me caught up and asked now what. I just shrugged and laughed "I'm a he'll raiser, what do you think?" and I knew I was leaving the building, for what I wasn't sure.

Proposal envy

Ever since I found my old diary I've noticed that I do tend to have a lot of early morning dreams. When I was younger they usually ended up between two people I had never met, but came to signify 2 key male players in my life. Funny enough I almost always chose to hang out with the darker haired one of the two.

Anyway, it seemed I was on some sort of trip with my baby sister. We had stopped somewhere that was kind of like a fair sort of out of the way as there were people constantly circulating. I was walking along a dirt road, trying to avoid getting run into by both people and vehicals. I know we were on time, but I had decided to head somewhere (possibly to where our car was) to retrieve a book. I seemed really focused on it because I could see the dark cover in my mind- it was either Soul Bound or Blood Ties. One of the Richelle Mead books I have. I just remember trying to get to it. I'm not sure if I ever did though because the dream shifted to where I was in it looked like a confrence room about to join my mother for something that we were to watch. I ended up greeting the lady next to her and she had mentioned something about being my neighbor. Not to sure about that. At one point during the video or something we were watching I got up and left the room. Somehow I ended up close to the kitchens where there were the caterer carts and covered trays being set up for lunch I would guess. I was looking at something in one of those dishes when my boyfriend came up next to me. It is strange since he only makes rare appearances and when he does, it's usually one of strong emotional or should be for the strong content- considering what happened next. He moved away from me before I could get the confused look off my face and returned to the room I had just left. I go back as well moments later still not sure that I had seen him. I end up finding my little sister on the other side of the room sitting on the floor with a bunch of other younger people (not kids or children, more like older teens and young adults). The conference video switches when I notice out the corne of my eye, one of the girls talking about how she saved this band that she shrank down to fit her finger like a ring. She said she saved it because that was the time and place where she had met her significant other. While this girl was telling a few others this, her boyfriend had gotten up and moved to stand in front of her. He knelt down and started talking about how they weren't the normal couple and he had removed a box to show her that he also had that same band shrunken down as well. After that point I caught sight of my boyfriend and I could see the envy on his face. I know he would love to do something like that, but not at this moment.

I'm not even sure if this part tied in because it ended up so different. By now I was packing up some stuff and joking around with boyfriend, when some alarm goes off. Part of me kicked into panic mode because I knew it was serious. What ended up happening was a couple of idiot teens broke a safety valvue and an airlock door. I remember staring at them and saying we didn't have much time then because whatever viruse was behind that door would be released shortly and we all needed to get out. But after that first initial panic there was no fear or hurry. But I guess by then I was already waking up.

Time management

I dreamed about coming home from work after a long still sunny day to find myself stopping to see my parents. They had convinced me to take a week off. Now their idea was to take a 10 day retreat somewhere and I for some reason kept thinking I would have to go back into work during that time and oh I should not have taken that time off, when even if I did, i'd still have been able to enjoy it. Either way we ended up talking about who would be driving and what all we needed to bring. The next thing I know I'm walking in a familiar back yard into what looks like a small group of friends pulling a Alice in Wonderlandesq sort of party. One of the kids was buried under a pile of leaves and I had almost stepped on her. I don't recall how long we were in the yard, but at some point everyone stated slowly making their way to this porch that seemed to be falling apart. Looking up to the next level you could see where the floor had sunken in in places as though people were laying down and the floor molded itself around them. Anyway, up we went looking for one of their companions who left partway into their fun. He was a sandy haired kid, around the same age, although we seemed to be a bit younger once starting this trip. We found him in one corner, close to where my family was sitting. I remember scooting in-between swings/ hammocks and ended up talking to that person. He was trying to figure out whether or not to get rid of his facial hair. I told him it really was his decision and then I made the mistake of patting his head which flattened part of his hair. I apologized and found myself leaning against his legs and we continued talking even as I knew I was waking up.

Haunting the neighbors?

I swear that damned house haunts me, even though it was the neighbors' house that I kept going in. The dream started with me and my baby sister walking around a corner of the one of the streets that we used to roam before moving. I remember facing one of the houses because a tree was cleared out and it confused me. The homeowner was next door painting something on the house front in preparation for Halloween. We both ended up saying hi to her before continuing on. Part way down the old street we ran into one of the kids that used to hang out with us- he looked older (I actually expected that) even if he didn't act any older. I don't remember if we got to talking since this sort of gale wind came up and was pushing him backwards, taking away whatever he was trying to say and force him back home. Not that I'm sure if he even still lives there. Anyway, with that wind I was trying to make my way into the old house, but for some reason I end up going into the neighbors' home and it looke like they were in the process of moving. Oddly enough, they were not there either. I do remember though- that in actuality, those neighbors moved before my family did and i know we didn't like them due to a bratty little girl who was a couple years younger than my baby sister. I'm now confused as to why I would even think of that place since I had never been inside and I never made it to my old house. That's a little strange.

YouTube fun

I know this was brought on by the insanity of watching different things being censored so- I dreamed I was going back to school. In the back of my head I kept thinking that I'm no longer in school, but I decided to go along with it. I was with my siblings in what looked like a giant rec hall and milling around with a bunch of other kids, some I recognized as the kids from the Potter films. Everyone was laughing and joking around waiting for something. I ended up going from small group to small group trailing after one sister and trying to avoid an ex-friend. At certain points though I couldn't help but smile and laugh as there was that general air of silliness. At one point (end of the day?) we are leaving with a bunch of others, heading out of the building and we're waiting for a bus- somehow I knew the bus broke down, so I give a big smile to my travel mates and start walking the other way saying I don't think I'm up to waiting for another ride. This causes some of them to smile back and my siblings (2 of the 3) to follow. We get to where we are going though I have no clue if we beat the bus riders or not. Either way my sisters and I end up hanging out with the Weasley kids in this big living room. Again we are having fun and goofing off. I'm still not entirely sure what I was supposed to have learned other that I no longer like the idea of waiting for buses.

Fragment

So I had a couple partials that I remember for this morning. One was my getting out of a shower and putting stuff away and turning to say good bye to this older person who came up on me as he was leaving. I don't think he was related but he was someone that my family knew. After he left I finished getting dressed and made my way back to the bathroom. There both my sisters had stolen the room, but the door wasn't locked. Anyway, Meg was in the shower with this male toddler with the shower running and I catch sight of jessie in the sink sort of just hanging out. I didn't focus much on them since it was strange seeing them like that. I hurried out and found a pillow of mine just falling into a laundry basket that had water at the bottom. For whatever reason I was panicking like a little water would destroy it or something. I ended up wringing the water out. So I'm not sure why it bothered me.

This next fragment also dealt with my leaving somewhere and getting my stuff together. This time I had all my stuff almost packed up except for this box. I was looking through it and anything that my dream self recognized as its I would move it to my bag. I thought it strange though because I never bring a lot of stuff anywhere and here I was going through a box of small stuff like books, jewelry and other things. The last thing I remember looking at in the box was a book (not mine) and this small white metal cross/heart/ and dove/peacock pendant.

Wolves

I was returning from a class somewhere. It was late afternoon and I had stopped by what felt like my family's place. I was looking for something to eat, from the freezer. I eventually found what I was looking for (some chocolate bar) and returned to my room. I was focusing on turning on the lights when my sister showed up knocking on the door. It stopped me long enough to try and hide the bar on top of what I think may have been a cabinet or something. I remember telling her "just a minute". She's definitely not the patient sort of person, even asleep. From there I am dragged to this sort of show, and am participating in it. Something about telling/showing people something- but I am pretty sure it was just practice, because the "audience" were other performers. So I end up with a small group on the staging area and each of us doing something. I was kneeling on the floor feeling heartbroken doing whatever it was that was our performance and at the end of it, someone was asking the audience, well, really picking a number of members from there to replace us for another part of the show. Somehow it was them joking about setting me up with someone, but I kept thinking I was ok, that I didn't need anyone else. But they were going to try.

From my periphery a small blond girl approaches me. I'm still kneeling though I am not sure why. She mentions that I'm good at something, and I "see" rune stones thinking how does she know? But in actuality I never handled them- my sister has, and I know tarot (for the most part), but I play along with this and I watch as she squats down next to me. She asks me "what do you know about wolves?" I know I blinked at her because now our conversation went from gifts to life. "they are pack animals, loyal, strong, kind (?)...." there were a couple other things I had said, but have slipped away from me. The girl nods and says something about them not being monsters like everyone else says that they are. She then goes on to tell me about this stretch of road that she is familiar with and a local pack that had vanished from the area. A Mage had killed this pack as they chased him away from their area, but they died in such a way that now anyone who traveled that road at a certain time would be chased by their ghosts. For her and for me this was a sad thing. She had seen that herself having to fend them off as she went down that road. Her story was one I watched, like being an outside witness. She was asking me another question when I started waking up.

Parts! Always in parts!

So my dreams have been a little more disjointed than I am used to and it is making it a bit harder to remember parts especially since now they are coming in multiple parts. Today I was lucky enough to remember at least 2, but I'm sure there were more.

This first part has me and my immediate family I'm what looks like a summer home and we are spending time on the ground level clearing up after a cook out. While we are cleaning my mother comes in with stuff telling the rest of us this is the last time we get to play on this level since we have to now rent it out to others. I know I am shocked and the rest of the siblings are confused at this. At one point I am asking them, what about me? Why can I not rent out the ground level? I work and make money, I could make enough to have that place for our continued use, but my mom ends up shaking her head with this heartbreaking smile telling me no. Which I don't get because outside of sleep I am definitely someone she has relied on to help out with in tight spots.

The other part shifts focus and has us returning to a school. I can feel that prior to the return that someone was antagonizing me and a couple others because as we were leaving a bus I was being told she wasn't worth it and to let it go. Now I am at the point in my life where I am done taking crap from people, this seems to have extended in my sleep realm because I do go after the antagonist. It just ends up with us leaning against and office counter with me knowing that there is something else wrong with her and asking why give me crap. I know I hadn't done anything, but I know people do stupid stuff due to jealousy. I don't think I found out because I was starting to wake up.

The funny thing is, even thought I was waking up, I still managed to push myself back under for a third part that I don't even remember.

House slave vet call

Somehow I was in another house, it felt like mine, but it looked a lot bigger and nicer that my home now. There were hardwood floors. anyway, a friend showed up and my sister ends up talking to him while I end up in the bathroom. Not sure how that works, but I'm there trying to fix a clogged toilet and get that mess cleaned up before someone sees that.

Part two has me cleaning up in my current home like some sort of slave. What was strange about this was that my parents were there and my mom was addressing me as someone far beneath her notice. Well that's not like her and I know I'm no one's slave. This just confused me.

And then there was this that followed. I was with this older guy that my mother figure (not the mother I know while awake) is dating/married to and we were dealing with this really cute blond child. Apparently we were taking her to the doctors' for a physical and to make sure she was healthy enough for school. While there the kid kept trying to escape out the room because she didn't want to be there. The doctor was already in the room and trying to convince the girl that it was ok. I don't know where the guy was until he showed back up near the end. By this point I was sitting on the floor and equating human doctors to animal doctors for the kid telling her that she needed to be checked up in order to go to school and all that fun stuff. I think I irritated the doc by calling her a vet at least once.

Vacation weird

So this was a weird two parter that took place in the same location. My family and I were at this huge summer home and we were packing up from a long week there. What struck me as strange was all the stuff that they were leaving. Something like a black purse, which I was looking at my sister because she had been complaining that she had nothing to put her yarn stuff in and she's been borrowing anything of mine. I went from room to room and I heard my mom talking to my dad about the other things that were here. I'm not sure if he was paying any attention since all he wanted to do was leave. It was strange knowing that I was trying to pick up things to pack them up when I would find even more of my sisters stuff. Like random piles of clothing! I knew my baby sister had been going through her stuff trying to get rid of a lot, but it kept seeming to accumulate and there was always more. I think I was trying to figure out why there was stuff that my family was leaving and supposedly there was going to be stuff they were taking. I ended up in a bathroom at some point and then suddenly the family was gone, but a group of friends was there. I have no idea why until it started hitting dusk and they started acting strange. There were about six of us and they guys were talking about strange things. At one point one of them went to another side of the house. We waited and waited, and then things go eerie. The others started to worry and debating on whether or not to track this person down. But everyone was on edge! It was like going on a witch hunt for something we had yet to see and they were already muttering about vampires. I know I panicked a bit too when the actual "vampire" showed up because somehow the group got splintered and one other girl and I were trying to find places to hide before making our escape. The thing was that there was actual terror involved. We ducked and scooted around piles of junk that didn't make good hiding places, but I think we got found at some point, like the vampire was only playing with us. I don't really know what happened to the rest of the group because after I got "caught" I got "bitten" which more or less was a kiss on the neck and not some blood exchange that they were so afraid of. And while I was trying to figure out where everyone else was, I just started waking up because my damned dog decided to bark at the neighborhood kids going to school.

Damned house

I swear to god this freaken house still haunts me! This morning I only remembered part of what happened, namely because I felt like I was going to be late for work. I was in the old basement doing something and by the time I glanced at a clock it was going on 11. I panicked because start work at 10:45, and kept thinking how late I was and start looking for my boyfriend whom I know is there. From there I go into the half bath that was in the basement but everything is missing- the toilet, the sink, even the small cabinet mom got to give us storage space. What make it weird was standing in the middle of that space knowing it was small, but for some reason it felt a lot bigger. I recognized this as a dream fairly early since boyfriend had never been to that house. So why does that place still follow me?

Camp from hell

I am with a bunch of other kids at what is trying to be passed off as a sleep-away camp at this really large house. What are called camp activities end up looking like household chores. We set up for some event as the homeowner's kid comes home. A storm is brewing and for some reason I end up in another house behind the first one and start helping clean up what looks like lunch. There are a few kids here and there, the rest made it to the main house. I remember climbing up on the counters to check to make sure where everything is placed, but many of the cabinets are empty and dusty. I climb down and work my way into what looks like a study and I get distracted by all these old books that are stacked and crammed on these shelves. I pull a couple closest to me to look at them, but the binding is so faded that if they ever had a title printed on the spine, you now couldn't see it. It stops raining at some point because I make my way into the main house and I'm not too happy about something else that seems weird here. I know that there are kids stationed as lookouts and they report "she's coming back!" I see out a front window this really expensive looking car that looks to be plated in gold stopped behind a trash truck. "she's back! She's back!!" everyone running back to their spots. I don't remember really what we were doing. My baby sister was asking me if I was able to read some report or other that she had done and I said I was trying too, but it's kind of hard when you are doing all these seemingly random things when you're supposed to be "having fun". So she's grumbling at me and everyone is getting together for a meal. Most of us there want to leave, but there are some pain in the butt girls who think to give us hell. One throws something at me that lands on my plate, and I throw it back at her. We are not supposed to waste food, but I don't cate at this point. I throw other things at her that make her grin and start tattling. I've had enough at this point and look over at our "director" and pretty much tell her to shove it. We're tired of doing all the grunt work for her and this isn't a camp it's a hell. She just gives a mocking smile and tell us we can leave. I know I rolled my eyes at her and got up with a lot of people. There was an understanding that parents would be involved and some sort of her losing mony.

That whole dream felt like a bunch of us were being taken advantage of. For the most part no one was saying anything. That's true of life though. Most people dont say anything right away when they are being used.

Four hours of sleep do what?

Only my four hour nap could incite this. I was hanging out with my other sister and we were doing something, like getting ready for something. She had gone to get breakfast and I happened to be taking my time with whatever that she had ditched me while I was making my way out of our rooms to a main level. Somehow I was back in those rooms trying to use magic/alchemy (at least the kind where you are looking/holding an object and telling it to change as said object slowly transforms). I don't remember what exactly I was changing, only that something had startled me and I ended up hiding in on of our closets hoping I wouldn't be found. A friend had seen me move off and tried to dissuade whomever was looking for me but eventually I was found. And I made it look like I was intentionally in that closet by flipping on a light and going through the clothes in there. Something about the person looking for me caused me to feel so uncomfortable and all I could do was smile in apology and try to look more occupied with something else. The friend looked apologetic like he couldn't get that person to leave either. The next thing I know, I'm outside a warehouse with what looks to be a food drive, but they are giving out highly carbed food to a team of teens for some sport. We were waiting for one of the kids to show up and I was talking to the coordinator and holding his year old kid. Suddenly the kid is gone and I'm up a flight of steps in a dress and heels. Dresses I can handle, heels are just plain murder. I think it's some kind of dance/ fashion show because I manage to walk down these stairs in a full skirted white and pink dress. For some reason I was pissed. And on heading back to the stairs I heard someone say "now watch her stomp" which I could only assume meant my walk because by then I was already adding a bit more swagger to my steps and looking to leave.

Scary old guy

This weather is driving me nuts! I go to bed at a decent hour, I tend to dream sometime in the morning, and most days it seems like I really don't want to wake up. We've been having rain all week and we will have it all weekend. Yuck! Anyway, I had a really weird dream this morning. I only remember parts because I kept tossing and turning. What I remember was being in this man's house and trying to escape him. I was also trying to save someone else who was stuck in there, but that person wouldn't follow me. What was really bothersome was it appeared that the man had a book for every person who set foot in his house. What was in those books i don't know, but it made me uncomfortable because he would rewrite something in there and it was like the person forgot something that had happened or that they had done. Like losing out on prior experience. For that reason it scared me and I tried to leave, even though that meant tearing through the man's house and squishing my self under his front porch to hide from him. And it was apparently muddy under there.

Fan hangout

So this starts off with me and some friends hanging out. There were others too who influenced some of our fandoms. It was sunny out and I was determined to go to this creek/ run off that I loved going to as a child. I don't think we ever made it over there. From there it became dark and I was in the back yard of the old house. I loved playing in that yard when I was younger, but it defiantly was a great hangout too when I was a bit older. Anyway, it looked to be fairly late in the evening and for whatever reason, I'm still not sure what, I was hanging out with the GAC guys. And I was hearing the neighbor on the right (if you faced the house from the front) talking really loudly and occasionally yelling. At some point we got up from laying around the yard to go to some show. I knew my dad was going and another of his buddies had gotten other tickets to go as well. It felt like they had panicked and now had 2 sets. I recall telling them to sell a set, but then realized I wouldn't be able to get in if they did. But I also felt like I didn't want to bother anyone about it, you know- It's an awkward feeling. So from there I end up leaving and walk around with my sister and her boyfriend through this little strip, passing what looks like restaurants and the like when we end up walking through one that seems to have almost no real room to walk around in. Someone passes and I accidentally knock something over. For whatever reason I couldn't walk away and I am the one who ends up picking up what fell over. Turned out to be a huge stack of dirty dishes. And then I find old year books that had some food splattered on them and I end up trying to clean those off. But the books look suspiciously like mine. And I am confused by this because I didn't have to clean up that mess as it was the other person's fault yet I just did.

I don't even know

I waited too long. Now I can't really recall what happened. All I know is it was something about getting away from someone who would do serious bodily harm to me. And for some reason I hurt like I was actually running. The other thing was about how to pitch a tent in tree tops. That could actually work tho. Just requires a couple layers of plywood and strong enough nuts, bolts, and nails. No idea what I was on to consider that.

Sept 4 early in the morning

So I have another weird two parter:
This first one I'm on some sort of fieldtrip with my sister, mother and sister's classmates. I have no idea where we are going only that it is steadily getting later. I know we are almost to a destination as I start repacking a bag that had a couple books and a blanket in. I know I'm trying to make sure I have everything because at one point I'm looking over at baby sister who is napping. I wonder if she has one of the books I brought and I consider waking her up as I'm folding a yellow knit blanket our grandmother had made me years ago. I hold it up as I fold making sure there are no "bigger" holes and I look back to see the un setting behind us. For a moment I'm looking for a shadow of some water dweller to play on the hills, like I knew it would be there. And then we reach our destination. The kids move out rather fast and crowd towards the front of on room and I manage to have something catch my eye around s corner. So as I'm looking at these keychains of plastic and plush guinea pigs I am approached by the guy who was speaking to the kids. He gets in my face about me looking at his stuff and making it sound like "who do you think you are?" like I would steal. I got back in his face saying I was a chaperone not some teen. He made me fairly angry. I guess this is because some people have questioned my age before. Sometimes it's nice, other times it can be a sore point.

Next part- driving up to this very cool old brick house. I can see a balcony at the second level with this rusted sort of stairwell that twisted in front of it. Just seeing the house made me excited for some reason. Inside we were in the kitchen and I was looking at what looked like puppies that were under the table. One had managed to get a bit a ways from its siblings, so I picked him up and moved him back. From there we moved to the back of the house and a seemingly detached room/ shed also made of brick. I was looking for something because the others who were with me were talking about the owner being either dead or gone- not sure which. I kept looking through the stuff, books- things that seemed like junk, but I was being told that the individual was still alive. I wondered about that as night fell and we returned to the main house and I guess we started getting ready for some sort of formal party.

Hover!

So I am in a store, similar to one I worked in as my first job, and I'm poking around and possibly shopping. I keep finding really cool things like legos, Disney figures, really cool shirts. The odd thing is I seem to keep bumping into people. Like litterally bumping into them. I'm not sure if that is representative of me feeling awkward at times or what, but it was rather strange. The next thing I know I'm at a park playing in this giant sand box with friends and siblings. We managed to clear a section of it and pack the sand really flat so that we could slide/ skate on it. That was fun until I found a hole and got pushed into it. I don't exactly rememeber why though. Anyway, the next thing I know is that everyone is now piling at the top of a hill that has both a dirt path and a paved road. I remember looking over at someone who I think was a cop and recall being challenge on the way down, like we couldn't make it down first or some nonsense, because the guy had a car. I remember pulling out these black disk things that were almost the same size of those children sleds and felt them vibrate and push away from the ground like magnets. This part was fun: I stepped on both and leaned forward taking off through the trees. I know the cop guy was following on the paved road, but the weightless feel of those floatie things was amazing. Litterally having your hair blown back and ducking from branches, amazing. I know I lost one of the disks before getting to the bottom because one is more stable than two and I seemed to move that much faster. But I'm not sure who made it down first since I woke up.

Curiouser and curiouser

Today's dream came in two distinct different parts.
Part 1: I seemed to be running around doing various errands for my mother and I was at home when she asked me to go get eggnog as well as some other groceries. I had to stop and stare at her because one it was not the season to find eggnog and two she made it sound like it was for me. I don't like nog, never have, and I wasn't about to go out in search of it when I knew it wouldn't be available. I know at one point during this exchange the rest of the siblings were showing up from god knows where almost like we were to be having some sort of summer party. And for some reason I was still stuck on the thought of mom thinking I liked eggnog.

Part 2: A friend and I has gone to this strange restaurant and we are seated outside. We're talking about stuff (I don't remember) when she's looking over my shoulder and waving to someone. That someone turns out to be an older gentleman who returns her smiles and ends up kissing me twice before engaging us in conversation. I'm not talking about the european kiss in greeting either. But then again I wouldn't go and call it kissing either. It was like having your mouth open and covering something. That something was my mouth and it just felt weird. Almost like he was stealing information or experiences from me. I had never met him, but he ends up questioning me about my boyfriend who is on the other side of the country, and I'm starting to wonder why. For some reason I end up looking up to a second level of the restaurant and watched as another person got annoyed and flung his menu down at our level. I end up getting hit with it and was trying to fold it back up when the old man mentions something about onion soup mix.

No idea where this came from.

So I've been rather lazy with this. I really shouldn't be with all the weirdness that I've been getting lately. I guess it's the stress of having moved and having to realize that there is more to home owning than I originally thought. That's not to say that I haven't been able to get it taken care of, it just means I neglected to write down what happens after I wake up.

Anyway, in the last 2 days, I've had some rather strange dreams. Take yesterday for example. Apparently I was staying overnight at this really old house that had something happen to it. Upon looking out of a window there was a crowd of people, almost like they were waiting to either get in or for something else to happen. I'm still not quite sure. I know at the point where I was packing up I kept think that I couldn't have my baby sister with me because I knew she was pretty sensitive and the place where I was, wouldn't be good for her. At one point going down the stairs I'm looking at this bloody shoe/boot print on the step. For whatever reason (I really don't know what possesd me) I was measuring my foot against it. And it was bigger than mine, but I'm still not sure why I did that. So that was really the big thing with the dream that bloody print and then this seemingly huge drop of blood that was a few steps down from it.

And then this morning. God I have no idea what that was about. I know it was broken up because something had happened prior to me wanting to go into my house (that looked remanicent of my grandparents' old basemnt) And there was this really weird furnature obstical course (still wondering where the rope net came from). The next thing I know, I'm being chased by a midget wearing gladatorial gear and I kept thinking if I get caught it's over. So I end up scrambling over and around on the furnature trying to stay away from that person. The next thing I know I get out of there and I'm walking with friends in this sort of diner place and we're just getting ready to be seated. I spot this corner booth and I think I manage to drag said friends in that direction. Thankfully, there is only a happy feeling at that point. Still I'm not entirely sure where the midget came in.

So no more being lazy.

confusing

Ok, so this was strange even by my weird standards.

We were moving and it seemd like almost like it doubled up as a reatreat from something. I was hanging around other family and we were getting the younger kids together, but there was a sense of urgancy like there was something going on that we either a) couldn't stop or b)could't escape from. It was like we were all waiting for something to happen and in that moment I was talking to an aunt of mine whom I hadn't seen in years and she had mentioned something about my mom looking for a church that everyone liked. I stared at her for a moment because knowing my mom, as long as she loved the fellowship it didn't matter what church she went to.

Then the dream shifts to something more sci-fi, and there is this battle going on. Ships are forming up together to make some sort of attack and I don't exactly know where I am, but I know I'm watching this and what makes matters worse is feeling like something else is going to go wrong. But I assume it turns out alright because everyone returnst to this base or ship thing (I didn't get too good of a look because I was focused on something else)and I'm trying to find someone that my dream tells me that I love with all my being, but is in immidiate danger of being hurt by someone who cared about me. The next thing I know I'm racing up a windy metal stairwell trying to stop this person and he is in deniel about the other "running away" from everyone and I had to stop and ended up leaning against him saying that he hadn't run, that he saw that there was a phantom corp that was going to come around for a surprise attack that would have overwhelmed them, that he didn't ditch everyone and that both people were heros. It was that horrible knowledge that I was stuck between two people- someone I loved and someone that though I cared for, it wasn't love. That woke me with a start because outside of dreaming there is someone I love very much, but I don't think there is another person that I'm aware of.

All in all returning to my parents house leads to interesting things.

whatthewhat?

Ok, so it's almost been a month now that I've lived in this new place. By now I'm a firm believer that in certain places it's harder to dream or easier (or just plain confusing). For a while I haven't been able to really sort through any dreams I had. But this morning was definately something I could remember.

This morning I was in a school (either middle or high school) walking through a cafeteria getting milk- of all things. I ended up seeing an old buddy of mine (before he got into the goth/skater thing that was high school) who was motioning me to join him before we had to go to where-ever. I don't remember what we ended up talking about, but at one point we're walking back and I remember saying "I'd like to do all "this" again." He asked me what I meant (by this time we were in a class room), and I answered "I'd like to re-do high school. Two more friends I hadn't seen since middle school showed up as I was explaiing what I meant. I wanted to go through school again and not let anyone else walk over me- sort of like having more confidence and taking no crap from people.

From there the dream switch to a definate high school vibe and at this point I know I wasn't taking crap from a group of people I was walking with. For some reson I appeared to miss out on six weeks of some sort of project and the group I got put into- most of them didn't appriciate me being there (or taking credit for their work). I just blew them off and asked why the big deal? It wasn't like I wasn't going to help with the project. They didn't need to be such pains in the ass.

Then my mom called and woke me- stupid cell phone

Progress, loading----

Ok, so we're officially into week 3 of moving in. I know I got my house at the end of march and there was at least the painting to be done, but well, it's been taking awhile. Thankfully, I've now gotten everything fixed and am completely focused on moving what boxes I do have packed into the new place.

It's already got curtains and the paint looks awesome! So now with the bit by bit that we're moving with it's starting to shape up. Right now we don't have any real big furnature, but we do have bar stools, and James had set up his futon in one of the rooms. So it's coming together. Plus I spent yesterday just getting some of my unneeded clothing shipped over and unpacked. I really need a dresser or something for them (at least the ones that didn't make it to the closet.

And today I started boxing up some of my many in mountain books that I have in my room. Thankfully I'll have enough space to leave some downstairs in my living room and then a select group (which comes to about 50 or more give or take) that will make it to the library/office. Might really need to consider taking up more of my books on an e-reader. But that's just not the same- there's no magic in flipping an e-page.

Anyway, along the way I managed to clear out stuff from under my bed and now I have added to the pile in front of my dresser titled- to get rid of. I seriously had no idea that I had that much crap to lose. Not to mention the 3+ bags of garbage that ended up leaving my room during the span of my moving process. Seriously, why was I holding on to recipts that dated back to my first job? I must be losing my mind. But I promise that I'm not going to do this in my new place- I just don't need it.

So now, this weekend we will be doing some heavy lifting to get the rest of the big stuff up and out. We have a new fridge (well, my parents' gave us the old one) and a new washer and dryer that need to make the trip on top of the beds and other things that we are moving. The small stuff though- we can handle, I mean it will make it that much easier for everyone.

Trash bags removed- 3
Headaches- not yet
stress level- a 4, I haven't gone to work yet.

Influential Disaster

I'm on a beach celebrating something, but I keep watching the shore. The waves look so strange, rolling and moving oddly. It takes me a short time to realize what's wrong and yell "Run!" By this time everyone else is running away from the shore. My youngest sister and I enter a building as water is already rushing around our ankles. I know we can't make it any higher without getting caught. I grab a metal rail and hug my sister close looking for something to help anchor us- just telling her to hold on as the waves engulf us. I remember taking a big breath and then nothing. Shortly after that we were both coughing up water and pulling dead leaves, twigs, and I think bugs from our hair. There was no euphoria of living, only confusion about what had just happened.

Old haunts?

I just woke up from this really weird experiance. What I remember was resting after doing stuff for my new place in the basement of what is now my parents home. Meg was on the couch flipping channels on the tv and I was dozing. I was napping in such a way that I knew I wasn't completely following what was going on with the tv but I was imagining what the cartoons looked like. At one point I got up and out of the chair and went upstairs- from there it looked like the old house. Mom was putting stuff away in the kitchen and I ended up poking around there. I noticed some doughnuts on the counter and then recalled seeing some along the staircase sort of like they were being marched up the steps one on each of the 3 steps before the wall blocks my view of the stairwell and I was afraid of our dog eatting them because some had chocolate frosting. From there I went into Bud's old room that looked like a sister was using it- more doughnuts (well, they looked like twists) that were on a stand near the wall that butted up against the bathroom. I backed out of the room and entered my old room (the one on the main floor before we moved) and I was putting something in there. Quickly I had this force pressure pushing me back on my face and whole body. I kept telling myself I will not fear, fear is a mind killer (great, I'm scared an the first thing that pops up is Dune references) and as I'm being bodily forced out of the old room I'm hearing "Get the F*** out" in this creepy not there voice. So I switch to the Our Father and the creepy voice give a low laugh. The next thing I know I'm awake with the phantom pressure still around me for a few more moments. It's still early in the morning!

Strange person

I know I dreamt something prior to this, but I really don't remember what other than seeing myself around 10 or 11 (maybe I was actually 16 hard to tell) wearing this sky blue, white and black trimmed outfit sort of like a sports team thing. The whole experiance was sort of either out of body or like I was looking at a live version of a past self. It was kind of strange.

The next part was in an old library- like a school's library because the top shelves were decorated with school projects that came from art class. This made me happy though because they featured different aspects of Chocobos- and each display came with the different music from the games. Somewhere in there I was walking around and using my phone to pick up the music when my sister comes up next to me and starts talking. I look at her getting mad and tell her to shut up I'm doing something. She gets mad and goes off in a huff (outside of my dreams I rarely tell her to shut up, I end up listening whether I like it or not). From there I walk around this border of shelves to see the stuff closer to the rear of the buildings, but for some reason the wood floor is sort of thin- I mean I seriously felt the floor move and buckle a little.

Before my mom woke me up, I was dreaming of visiting a friend of mine, but she was running late. Instead of waiting for my friend we (my sister, her boy friend and I) end up poking around the neighbor's house. Through a main level window I catch sight of my ex-friend working on a computer. She sees me and asks me for help on what looks like a tax site. So I'm on the otherside of the window trying to figure out what she was doing. The next thing I know I'm inside the neighbor's house with her and sister's boyfriend is trying to help the exfriend with the computer. Somehow I manage to get rangled into helping set up for a child's party. While setting up the punch and trying to put the little pieces of a plastic toy band, in rolls this grandstand with orginal cartoon characters just as the kids are starting to come into this room. I saw a Sylvester and someone else-it was kind of fuzzy because at this point my mom was telling me to wake up.

I'm left with the feeling of wondering if my ex-friend is alright. I mean, she is not really mean, she just got competative with my sister and then chewed her out for - well that was kind of mean. Anyway, the fact that I had been dreaming of her and then the ex-boyfriend, I'm wondering what's wrong with my psychy unless i'm trying to make peace with myself. I am a strange person.

Jumble

The last couple of days have just been a jumble of stuff that has been running through my mind. I'm not entirely sure what though because I think most of this is brought on due to me closing on a house this past Friday, my brother leaving his job and moving south, baby sister and her friends offering to help, planning/replanning how to tackle said house. Somewhere in all that I am supposed to be learning something, but with my lack of focus I'm not entirly sure what. I say this because I know I've been having 3 or more dreams a night. If I wasn't so preoccupied I'd be sort of mad at myself for not getting anything down on them. I probably will be mad at myself over this later.

Strange schools

So this one happened in two parts that kinda sorta matched.
I was walking around an arena of sorts and there were fighters down in the middle. I knew one was defending me for someting and the other was trying to get me killed. I don't think I figured out what really happened although I know I didn't do it. The arena sort of reminded me of high school. I remember adjusting my skirt and then walking to a small room where food was stored/sold- it was remincenet of a concession stand, but it wasn't. I ended up talking to a boy at the counter for a moment and then turned my head to talk to a girlfriend that had showed up. The poor boy had been drinking water all day and for some reason we thought that a rival had poisioned the water making him have to go really really badly. Unfortunatley, he went behind the counter, and couldn't stop. He tried to move around the counter and ended up facing a corner between the wall and a soda machine and still couldn't stop. At that point I got hit with a water spray across the chest- one that I could feel and remember feeling. At this point I figured I better change because it was getting close to the end of the match and I was told to get to arena. So I changed from my wet top and skirt to this sort of white dress (that felt like mourning) with black and red ribbons that were woven together around the top. By the time I got down there it was almost over, but I couldn't see either fighter and I felt someone come up behind me and grab both my wrists.

The second part took place in a house that functioned more like a school. One room was lit and had those desks I remember using as a grade-schooler. I was sitting there with a couple other girls getting ready for something when the girl on my left pulled out this big hamster eraser. I ended up playing with that for a few moments. The teacher didnt' show up and the next thing I know is we were chasing the boys from the class outside and we wanted to do whatever they were doing- which seemed to be knife play and tracking, and playing in the dirt. They kept telling us that it was all hard work and no, we wouldn't have any fun. I remember yelling back at them that they were lying and that house work was no fun. And as we were racing up this hill I remember changing shape in to a silvery canine, saying I could keep up as I managed to by-pass most of them, digging into that hillside. The next thing I know is I'm human again and together with a group of kids in front of the house we are milling around almost with a nervous energy. Runaway is what I kept hearing- were we to run away or were we to chase after a runaway?

So the last couple of days I've been having strange (at least to me) they are strange dreams.

Yesterday I didn't have time to write out what I saw. I was in a playground around dusk, the weird thing was the playground was bigger, like it was made to handle young adults and teens. I was definately excited because there were slides and wooden platforms to climb on. It just looked like fun. Anyway I kept seeing people I was familier with every now and again just before I decided to haul my self up on a hip high platform to get into everything else. By that point though I started waking up.

Today I was back in the old neighborhood but the strange thing was that my ex and his family were there too. And I was in their house looking for things I had left. My mother was helping me too with these seeming to be gift items that were hers. Anyway, we were going around making sure we didn't forget anything and I kept seeing these astropop star shaped icecreams popping up around the "living room" of the house. I kept picking them up because I didn't want them melting and leaving spots on whatever they were resting against. At one point I was hurrying everyone along because I felt like we weren't alone and that we were supposed to be there. The last thing I grabbed before leaving the one room was a gold worked drop necklace from a stuffed bear that felt like it was either mine or my mother's. I passed an open bedroom door catching sight of the ex's parents listening to some music and actually looking a bit nostalgic. At least they didn't see me. On the landing (the house appeared as a split level with a short foyer- not what he lived in at all) I litterally ran into him and his sister and this gaggle of sister-age girls. He seemed just as surprised as I was about seeing me. I asked him about getting back a couple of items that I had actually left with him when he mentioned that he can't because he no longer had them. I had to pause a moment there and think because it was video game related how could he not? And then I turned my attention to his sister and she was not radiating hate and discontent at me. I asked her if she still hated me and she said she had only been mad at me for about a year. While I still think it was a bit crazy I can understand given the fact that I had been dating her brother and she didn't know the whole story about what had happened in our falling out. Anyway, as I left the house I ran into my brother who looked preoccupied with either a phone or a gameboy and completely got left behind by our mother. We both shrug it off and follow the familiar street back to the otherside of where we used to live. I can remember rounding that familiar corner, remembering that it was a bus stop for us as kids. And I'm looking up seeing the late afternoon sun light up the old street and it feels like home, but I don't live there now- I can't and neither could I even afford to. I guess in some ways my past loves to haunt me with things I know I cannot return to.

Nightmare

The first part was not so scary. I was in my old basement which seemed bigger than it actually was. There was way more furnature than I knew that place could hold and there were others there that I didn't know personally. My brother and his roommates were over and we were looking for movies to watch. We kept saying no ghost stories and I had picked up a cracked tennis ball saying "I found it....wait, this isn't it" and then spotting another one on a stack of movies on this old fashioned tv that I remember we used to own saying "there it is!" About that time I woke up because of a full bladder and it was almost 5:45. I have no idea how the time thing works, it just happens.

This second half I have no idea why it happend. I'm staying with someone in what looked like a hotel room getting ready for someone's wedding. I'm assuming that somehow I know this person and at some point we were friends because she leaves the room and then shows back up shortly really upset and telling me to get out. Like I need to get my own room and get away from her. I have no idea what I did wrong or even if I managed to get my own room because after retreating to the bathroom for a moment I find myself exisiting the building and walking to a close by field. I think this was used for like school or some sort of sporting events because I ended up under these stands talking with my mother when things get really weird. There's this tension in the air and things shift. Suddenly these people run up under with us telling us to be very quiet. My dad, who was with us at the time, for some reason leaves and all we see is this shadow of a huge and nasty troll who is eating him. Mom screams and runs out after that thing and even though I don't see it, I know she's gone too. So in a haze I return to the hotel place and am in the lobby at coordinating on everyone (of my family that is) in leaving. This strange man approches me and mentions about leaving/ selling this equipment that my parents apparently brough with us. I'm still confused at this point, I tell him that I will get back to him in a bit. I start waking up after that. I don't know what that troll was, but I really don't ever want that again.

Strange Tides

This dreams involves a conglomeration of beachside experiances I've been lucky to experiance over my lifetime and a couple of twists (always with a twist somewhere). We're staying in a beach house hanging around, having fun, and apparently waiting for a couple more friends to show up. The friends are Kristina, Luke, and a couple others. By the time they show up it's getting dusky out and the surf is huge. Seriously, the surf would draw back so much but the waves that came in were taller than my 5'6 self. It looked like some serious fun! While watching the monster surf everyone is either eatting or getting ready to walk on the near non-exisitant beach (with monster surf comes little beach apparently). But we're taking forever to get ready- and I'm not sure why. On the second level of the house I run into Luke and we talk briefly (don't really remember what about) and I'm off looking for my baby sister and Kristina. I pass a communal bathroom and see the water in the toilet has a raised level, almost like water was being forced up and out of what was holding it. Kind of crazy. At some point I pause at the upstairs deck watching the monster surf. So with all this water around, what does that mean for me?

Former frenemies

So I dreamed about 2 former friends this moring. I don't know why they came up, but we had a falling out/falling back in off and on again thing for years or at least since I've moved to my current residence. It was late in the afternoon, it looked like the sun was getting ready to set and I was getting ready to go look for my baby sister and my brother. I wasn't sure where Jessi was, but I knew where my brother was. I drove past another old friend's house in the process of passing the one former friend. My brother was with him and I heard him ask if that was me. He confirmed that and I ended up coming back around looking for Jessi. Surprisingly the friend was talking to me and didn't look completely pissed to see me. The other former friend ended up running down the sidewalk from the house she used to live in and she looked upset. She told me she was breaking up with someone she was seeing. I had been telling the former guy friend about moving out and moving up in the worlk at the time and I ended up looking at the former girlfriend and feeling bad. I'm not a bad person for cutting off toxic relationships especially when the were hurting my family in the proccess, but I still can't help but wonder what those 2 are up to, I mean with those 2 we had been friends for a decade or more. That's a little hard to walk away from. I just hope those 2 are alright. Considering I haven't thought about them in like forever.

I dream weird things in the early a.m

So sometime around 5ish I was dreaming about coming out from a room to a front yard in time to see someone disappearing over a hedge. The only thing I caught a glimps of was the back of the person's head. My dad was standing out in the middle of the yard, moonlight all around him. He kept apologizing to me as I was backing up back into the house. I should not have left the room. Someone was out there with him and coming at me. The room had 3 doors- the one I left out of and another that also lead out plus a closet. I locked the door that I re-entered and quickly moved to the other and locked it. I felt hurried, like there was someone on the otherside trying to get in. The closet door was between the other 2 doors and I entered the closet in an attmept to hide from whomever was trying to get to me. I remember leaning against the inside wall of the closet and covered my head. Whatever was coming after me had gotten into the room and broke a hole in the closet door scaring me further. I tried not to make a sound and cowered back from that. I woke up before something else happened.

After that, I dreamed of someone stalking me at a work place (not one I am familiar with). I kept moving from room to room seeking a way out. But there was no where I could go. I kept getting followed. And I never really saw who was following me. I managed to get to a car in a garage, but escape felt so impossible. What was I running from?

Old places old faces

I swear! This house that I used to live at is still haunting me! And I didn't fully realize where exactly I was until I was talking with an old friend who lived across the street from me and shared my birthdate.

It felt like home so I really shouldn't be complaining, but this home was a mixture of other homes I've either lived in or played in- so there were windows facing out to the front (but in reality I know they would have been covered by dirt) and I was hanging out in the basement with my sister. We were doing something but I remember looking up and across the street to where Valerie had lived. I could have sworn she had gone off to college/moved out, but there were more vehicales in a newly expanded driveway. And I saw her get out and move across the street to greet the neighbor who lived to the left of my house. The next thing I know I'm talking to my parents about the neighbor who lived to the right of us (how they had so much parking space and yet continued to park in front of our house- a familiar real life event where I live currently) when Val decides to cross the other neighbor's yard and she gives me a huge hug. I mean I haven't seen her in almost 10 years and it looked like a lot has changed. Normally she's a sporty looking person with her hair pulled back neatly- but she looked like she had lost some serious weight. She whisper to me "I'm sick" and I started waking up. I don't know if this is true to life or not, but I'm hopping not.

Strange Babysitting

I was walking up a walkway to a house at dusk to take care of a couple of little girls. What I didn't know was that someone (their father?) was there. He seemed surprised I was there and kind of hit on me, but I just ignored him. At some point I started feeling really uncomfortable and decided to leave. I ended up talking to a neighbor as I was trying to get into my car (rather unsucessfully at getting into the car) when I felt the uncomfortable prescense again. I started to wake up at that point.

Strange Travels

So I had the unfortunate problem of waking up around 4:45 this morning. The weird thing was, I remembered what I was dreaming about and then procceeded to dream something completely different. Seriously strange.

I was packing laundry when this group of people showed up at the house. Apparently the house was being haunted? I'm not sure because I didn't really find that out and it was still day-light out when they showed up. The weird thing is, this was a group of people I was familiar with (ie I've watched them on tv) and somehow I managed to crawl through what appeard to be a hole in wall. Stranger still while trying to get to the other side of the wall I remember having the fiberglass insulation rubbing against my left forearm. Backing away from the wall I run into the group leader. We end up talking about human attraction for some odd reason and all I could do was keep backing up with this big "uh-uh" look on my face. Nothing happened but it was strange because there was no attraction more like curiosity.

After that I ended up visiting what was a family friend. I was talking with one of the daughters when the power went down. I kept trying to get away from the mother because she was mean and trying to poision us. Weirdly enough, no one seemed to mind this as we were trying to escape the house. She seemed pleased when we managed to escape the house.

Past Reminder

We were out at dusk looking for something in the ocean shallows. I remember jumping between sandbars watching this huge looking shark that swam between. It seemed like a game just trying to stay out of the creature's way. I don't know what we were looking for. Slowly our environment changed to walls of what steadily looked like a living room. The sandbars becoming couch cushions and the shallows becoming a dark rug on the floor. All the creatures though, vanished.

So was this a reminder of what I used to do as a child? I don't really know.

All day consideration

So normally when I dream I tend to want to write this all down in the morning like right after I wake up. However, today was a different case all together. I couldn't just bring myself to sit down and type anything out. It was odd considering I have been on and off the computer all day long. What is wrong with me?! Seriously, I spend a majority of my day working at a computer and on the weekends when I can actually get away, I still drift back and type at least something- or at least you would think I would with somethings like this. Dreams do bother me and for some reason, I like remembering them, even if I can't recall every detail- that's why I make myself write them out. Because everything is interesting and it goes with a couple other strange facinations of mine.

Anyway I had this strange dream this morning. Jason Munday (of Skyway Flyer fame) and a bunch of others were together in a place or I should say what looked like a living room and I was there for some odd reason (I never understand what I'm supposed to be doing)watching it rain out of a front window. What is hard to tell is if everyone was packing up to leave or to settle down stuff for the night. This couldn't have been more than a few minutes but it was enough for me to just remember because I felt so awkward and it was sort of like a "good luck" sort of wishful thinking.

Strange/Learning

So lately I've been waking up rather early- like 5somehting or 7ish depending on the day. I guess it's not so strange given the fact that it will be spring soon and while I'm waking up early it seems like everything else is waking too. But that's beside the point.

This morning I woke up around 4:30ish for some strange reason and managed to fall back asleep. And well, I don't normally watch Big Bang Theory, but apparently I watched enough to make some sort of impression. Anyway, I was returning home (home apparently being a house close to a beach) to take care of something related to my sister. I left and returned again later to find someone waiting for me that my dream self recognized as a roommate. Now offline I know I'll be moving out soon, but I won't be really needing any roommate, but my sister is coming with me. This person looked a lot like Sheldon (BBT) but he didn't act like the tv version of himself at all. He was shy and easily embarrased and seemed to become rather goofy when I passed him to enter the house. I recognized this as for some strange reason, he liked me, which is awkward because he's a roommate- that just would be weird.

Still later this morning- I dreamt I was trying to rush to a class (highschool- why is it when I need to learn something it's always at a highschool level?) and I was with a really good friend of mine. She looked a bit different, but that is because I know she has been losing weight. I ran into a former best friend and I felt compelled to tell her that I was in fact moving out into a rather nice house with four bedrooms that could easily be made five with a wardrobe in the spare room. She seemed really surprised and I felt bad that I had to terminate a frindship just because she decided to really curse out my sister, but honestly, it wasn't fair of her to do that in the first place. I end up making it upstairs after being blocked from a side staircase that me and the first friend would take because of a small group of people practicing something and headed to an alternate route. I made it to the class. There were computers all around the edges of the room but the middle had about four rows of tables and chairs. I end up greeting a couple of people whom I haven't seen since middle school and I'm smiling like crazy for some reason. Before I could figure out why, I wake up.

Easy sleep

It's strange. I was leaving work and for some reason I got fixated in the parking lot on this pile of sand formed by an ant colony. It was either the end of the day or something or maybe a cloud passing over the sun but the sky appeared overcast. Somehow a bit of light broke through and was reflecting off of a side mirror and had illuminated the ant hill. I don't know what came over me, but I decided to flick the hill over and knock it down. Someone from across the lot yelled at me saying that the ants who created that (and apparently dozens of other such hills in the lot) were endangered. I thought she was crazy and said, even if I did knock it over, they would be alright and dig it back out. I turned and got into my truck and started to leave the lot and at a light, my truck changed into this little motorcycle. I was just as confused because the light had changed and I had to get that thing moving forward. At this point the overcastness had disappeared and it was sunny.

I ended up driving to this place surrounded by trees. It reminded me of a sort of get away home that was in the process of being updated. I entered the place and ran into a bunch of kids. One of the older boys saw me and said "you came back" It felt familiar somehow. The next thing I know I see another little boy with some of the younger children toting around a plastic potty in the shape of a penguine. Maybe he was being potty trained. I moved from that room into what looked like a bathroom with toothpaste on the floor. I felt compelled to try and scrub that mess up with a washcloth, but some of the mess was stuck on the floor pretty good. I started waking up at that point just as a motherly woman came into focus trying to assist me.

puppy!

So I had a strange dream this morning. I was cleaning a house/helping someone move stuff around when we kept incountering these puddles of green dog puke. It was really strange, one the color shouldn't be something coming from a dog and at first we couldn't find the animal. I found him in one of the rooms. The poor thing was shaking and really scared. The dog was an aussi-german shepard mix. I woke up as I was hugging the dog assuring him it would be alright.

Forever to Sleep

So last night, I tried to go to bed at 10:30. That got pushed back to 11:30. Honestly, I wasn't doing a whole lot that required me to be awake- other than talking to my other half- well, we were not really talking. He thought I was reading when I was just listening to him. Eventually, all you could hear was the sound of sleep and I flipped on my laptop.

I ended up reading manga online. Really, I'd love to buy certain ones, but since I'm moving out, I can't afford to buy anything for a while. So thankfully, I can read certain things online. So I end up reading Sailor Moon an old favorite, right up to the second season. Anyway, but it took me forever to fall asleep. At 11:45 I finally turned off the computer and started listening to my mp3 player. And then I heard Izzy in my room. I swear that little furball snuck in after my parents went to bed. She kept cowering and trying to get away from me until I grabbed her and put her on my bed. Stupid puppy.

When I finally managed to fall into a semi-sleep (I kept rolling over), I know I was dreaming something. All I remember was moving stuff around maybe tyring to clean. I'm not entirely sure. At some point we were touching stuff to certain points and transporting it elsewhere. I remember hanging out with my brother asking him about something, but I don't think I got an answer. The next thing I know I was in another place and the place was being over-run by pirate people and I know I was trying to get away. I ended up getting away right to my mother who made it sound like I wasn't cleaning at all and she was mad at me like I was a kid again.

Scaryness

Scariest dream I've had in a long while and it woke me up. I ended up charlie-horsing myself. For some reason we had let our dogs out and when me and my sister Meg went to go let them back in, dad was throwing stones at Indy our older dog. I was really panicking because that was strange. And dad explained it was because Indy was so old and it would be better off if we left him outside to die. That was really twisted and scared me. I kept thinking "no we don't" because what person in their sane mind throws stones at an elderly dog? Besides, he still acts like a puppy most of the time! Outside of this I know my dad would never ever throw things at Indy, he loves that dog just as much as the rest of us. Still that dream was really disturbing and I wonder, what on earth was I thinking?

Slightly scary/creepy stuff

So I guess I have this habit of having strange dreams in the early a.m most mornings. This was on the otherside of vampires- it was werewolves and vampires(?) not so sure about the vamps because I was focusing on not getting killed by this blond little 5 year old.

So the house I'm in is an amalgomation of some other homes I had been in. I wasn't sure if it was mine or one I was just visiting, but the carpet in one room looked like this really high quality stuff, but it looked melted and molded in an odd way around the room, sort of twisted and ridged, kind of creepy like. And then walking around certain halls I felt kind of wary because it felt like the floor was unstable in parts. I can't remember how many people were in this house, but there were a fair few. I returing to this house from college as the sun was setting. I kept looking back to the tree line that was the back limit of the yard. Something wasn't sitting right with me.

In the house was a family friend and this little boy. I don't know who that kid belonged to but he was really cute. At this point I assumed the family friend owned the house because they were leaving and the kid was staying. My baby sister showed up and everything seemed to spiral from there. The tv was on in the background spouting some news horror story about not going outside at night. Jessi was looking out the window as the sky was darkening and the boy...stupid kid was trying to run around and then make a break for outside. I don't know why but fear was pounding through me and I'm pretty sure at some point my body seized up, but the kid mananged to sneak out of the house while we were playing this version of hide 'n seek. I kept thinking we should have never agreed to this because I heard my sister yelling and I saw the kid standing next to a car that felt like it was mine- he had the most derranged smile on his face and I was seriously scared. I don't know why, but I grabbed a baseball bat that was lying around the house and tried to get my sister back into the house without getting hurt. It would have been fine until you see the kid jump up and seemingly float and tries to come after you. This gets even worse because now it's a struggle to get to the car without being attacked by the 5 yr old.
What makes this worse is knowing that I had hit that same kid with the bat in order to let Jessi get into the car. I'm not even sure I made it to the car because I turned from smacking the kid away to glancing back to the tree line that made me nervous earlier. There were people there and it didn't look too good. However, they weren't coming towards me, rather to the kid that was getting up and getting ready to pounce at me again. I chose to ignore the strange group of people in favor of not getting bitten by the kid, I was all ready to strike back, but a couple of the people from the woods shot past me and grabbed the kid before he could attack. I'm pretty sure I had dropped the bat after that because I was now being watched and Jessi was freaking out in the car.

Dear God,what have I been reading?